Introduction: What are they? Why are they powerful?
Family meetings, when led properly, are a powerful tool for strengthening family bonds. They encourage open communication, and teach essential life skills. They represent a dedicated time and space where every family member, regardless of age, is invited to share their thoughts, feelings, concerns, and ideas. This democratic forum embodies respect and mutual understanding, helping to cultivate an environment where everyone feels heard and valued.
But the benefits of family meetings extend beyond just communication. These gatherings serve as a hands-on classroom where children learn essential skills such as problem-solving, decision-making, empathy, and cooperation. Children observe and participate in resolving conflicts, brainstorming solutions, and understanding different perspectives.
The ultimate goal of family meetings is not only to solve family issues or to plan the week ahead. It is to empower each family member, create a sense of belonging, and foster mutual respect and understanding. These meetings are instrumental in preparing children for real-world situations. They demonstrate that challenges are part of life, and with effective communication and a collaborative spirit, they can be overcome. In essence, family meetings lay the foundation for a lifetime of effective relationships and confident decision-making.
Guidelines for Successful Family Meetings
Here are the important steps and guidelines that make an outline for leading effective family meetings:
Scheduling and Consistency:
Family meetings should be scheduled at the same time that works for everyone. This can be once a week for older kids or daily for younger kids. More family meetings are always a better idea when you lead them well. Make a regular plan for your meetings so that everyone knows when to expect them and can plan accordingly.
Creating a Safe Space:
The environment should be relaxed and non-threatening. Everyone should feel comfortable and safe expressing their honest views. One effective strategy is to begin the meeting with compliments or appreciations where each family member shares something positive about another member.
Agenda:
Before each meeting, an agenda should be created, which can be a simple list of items to be discussed. This agenda should be posted in a common area where family members can add issues as they arise throughout the week.
Problem Solving:
Problems should be addressed one at a time, with everyone given an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings about the issue without interruption. The aim should be to find a solution that works for everyone, not to assign blame.
Encourage Participation:
All family members, including children, should be encouraged to participate in discussions and decision-making. This helps them to feel valued, heard, and part of the solution.
Solutions and Plans:
Once a problem has been fully discussed, family members should brainstorm solutions together. A solution is agreed upon by consensus, and a plan of action is determined.
Follow Up:
At subsequent meetings, follow up on the issues discussed at the last meeting. See how the solutions are working and make necessary changes.
End on a Positive Note:
The meeting should end on a positive note, such as with a fun family activity or treat. This helps to associate the meetings with positive feelings.
In quick summary:
Overall, the aim is to create an environment of respect, mutual understanding, and problem-solving. We want to empower children to become responsible and capable while also strengthening family bonds.
Now let’s look a little closer at a few of these points and give more good details on how to run a family meeting well.
Determining the Length and Frequency of Family Meetings
This can vary based on the family’s needs and the age of the children. As a general guideline, it’s best to keep family meetings short. Focus on solving all of the goals and addressing all of the problems you outlined before in the agenda. If your agenda gets stuffed with too many things, then focus on the three most important issues and see if the rest can wait till the next meeting.
How long should a family meeting be?
A typical family meeting could last anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes. For families with younger children, the meeting may be shorter, around 10-15 minutes, as they may find it difficult to stay focused for long periods.
What’s the right age? When is my child ready?
As for the right age to start, there’s no fixed rule. However, many experts suggest that it can be helpful to start family meetings when children are as young as three or four years old. At this age, meetings can be a simple, brief time of sharing about the day or discussing plans for the next day.
How often should we schedule it?
The frequency of family meetings can also vary. For families with young children (age 3-5), a short daily meeting might work best. As children get older (age 6-9), weekly meetings might be more practical. For teenagers, a biweekly or monthly meeting could be enough. However, the frequency should be flexible and depend on the family’s needs. For example, during a period of change or stress, more frequent meetings could be helpful. If one big issue comes up, and we can’t address it right now, we can always schedule a meeting for later today or tomorrow. In quieter times, less frequent meetings might be enough. The key is to establish a routine and stick to it, showing your children that you value this time together.
How can we end the meeting on a positive note?
There are many good ideas that don’t involve food, buying toys, or spending money on anything. Choose whatever fits your family the best. Remember, there are many good ideas in this list. You don’t have to pick the same ending twice. Here are a few good ideas to help inspire you:
Appreciation Round:
Each family member can share something they appreciate about another family member. This encourages positive feelings and helps each person feel valued.
Group Hug:
A big family group hug can be a heartwarming and physically affirming way to end a meeting.
Family Motto:
Create a family motto that everyone says together at the end of the meeting. It could be something fun or a statement that represents your family’s values.
Share a Joke:
One family member can be assigned to share a funny joke at the end of each meeting. Laughter is a great way to leave everyone feeling good.
High Five:
A round of high-fives can be an energetic and fun way to end a meeting.
Sing a Song:
If your family is musical, singing a favorite or silly song together can leave everyone smiling.
Family Yoga Pose or Exercise:
If your family enjoys physical activities, doing a quick and fun yoga pose together could be a fun way to wrap things up. If your family love sports, then play a quick game of basketball, catch, or another sport that everyone loves.
Share One Good Thing:
Each person can share one good thing that happened to them that day or something they are looking forward to.
Do a Dance:
If there’s a song that your family loves, put it on for a quick dance. Dancing can boost mood and bring a sense of togetherness.
Positive Affirmations:
Each member can share a positive affirmation about themselves or someone else in the family. This helps to build self-esteem and positivity. But, be aware that we don’t want to create a false sense of achievement or delusion. It’s essential to pair affirmations with action, behavior change, and actual achievements. Here’s how we can do that:
Ensuring Affirmations are Grounded in Reality
Tie Affirmations to Reality:
Encourage family members to state affirmations that are rooted in their real achievements, actions, or improvements. For example, instead of saying “I am an excellent student,” a child could say, “I am improving in math because I have been practicing every day.” “Before I couldn’t do _____. Now I can!”
Focus on Effort, not just Results:
Make sure the affirmations are not only about outcomes (e.g., winning or losing, grades), but also about efforts, which are within our control. For example, “I am proud that I studied hard for my test,” instead of, “I am the best at tests.”
Set Realistic Expectations:
While it’s good to aim high, affirmations should be within the realm of achievable reality. Set goals you can really reach. This helps in cultivating a growth mindset rather than an unrealistic one.
Pair Affirmations with Goals:
When a family member states an affirmation, encourage them to also state a related goal and their plan for achieving it. For example, if a child says, “I am a kind person,” they could add, “My goal is to show kindness to a classmate by helping them with their work this week.” or “I will improve at _____ by _____.”
Reflect on Actions:
Use affirmations as a reflection tool. Ask, “What actions did you take today that align with your affirmation?” This helps to connect the affirmation with real actions and promotes a reality check. Or ask “How did I work on _____?” or “What did I do that helped me get closer to _____?”
Use Affirmations as Motivation:
Positive affirmations can be good reminders of what we want to do, what we want to have and who we want to be. But they are not magic spells. Simply saying a few words, won’t make things happen, but they can be good prompts for us to work towards our goals.
Example: Conducting a Family Meeting with Balanced Ben
Creating a common agenda for family meetings, regardless of the presence of major issues, helps structure the conversation and ensures everyone’s thoughts and concerns are addressed. Here is a simple example of how a family meeting could be conducted with Balanced Ben leading the way.
Balanced Ben begins the meeting with a warm smile, saying, “I’m glad we’re all here today for our family meeting. Let’s start by sharing one good thing that happened to each of us this week.” This prompts each family member, including young Johnny, to reflect on their week and share a positive experience. This helps create a friendly, relaxed atmosphere right from the start.
Next, Ben introduces the purpose of the meeting, “Now, let’s go through our agenda for today’s meeting. We’ll begin by discussing our weekly chores and responsibilities.” They then move on to discussing the chore chart, discussing any issues and solutions, and making sure chores are distributed fairly.
Following this, Ben continues, “Alright, now let’s talk about our plans for next week.” This might include scheduling activities, outings, or simply setting personal or family goals for the upcoming week.
Then, Ben says, “Now, does anyone have anything they’d like to discuss or any problems they’re facing?” This is an open forum for any member to bring up issues they are dealing with. If there’s no big problem that week, it could be a simple discussion about a concern at school, or a new rule a family member wants to propose.
Through all of these discussions, Ben ensures that he’s encouraging and maintaining a positive environment. He does this by focusing on solutions rather than blaming, acknowledging everyone’s feelings, and ensuring everyone has a chance to speak and be heard.
Finally, Ben closes the meeting on a high note, “Let’s end with our family cheer.” Everyone puts their hands in the middle and shouts out their unique family cheer. This is a fun way to bond and end the meeting on an energizing, positive note.
Conclusion: The Lasting Impact of Regular Family Meetings
Remember, the goal of the family meeting is not only to solve problems but to celebrate successes, make plans, and foster better communication and mutual respect. By maintaining a positive environment, everyone feels encouraged to share their thoughts and feels valued as part of the family team.
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